Dear Steve,
Yesterday I realized what a seriously selfish fuck head you are. I always knew you were selfish Steve, but I really didn't think you were one to be such a dick to another human being. You have no real respect for me and when you talk about me using you it has become totally apparent that you have been using me for years now. It's extremely clear to me now. If you weren't using me as just a back up love/lust object and you were actually ever really in love with me there are so many things in this world you wouldn't have put me through.
To name a few:
1.You would have never slept with Angelia after I spoke to her and you about this and told you both that this would bother me and you certainly wouldn't have come home and had the liberty to fuck me after you failed to get off with her.
2.I would have never had to deal with you randomly becoming interested in Lavender or this new girl because I would have been able to trust that you had some fucking self control and just wanted me and wouldn't have put your thoughts on hands on or in anyone else.
3.You wouldn't constantly bitch about what I DON'T do for you like cooking or cleaning when you KNOW I have a ton of work to do each day and a retarded amount of stress I have been under with the issues with my apartment being foreclosed, my dog being stolen and my medicines stolen.
4.You wouldn't sit around and point out my short comings in a way that you are trying to put me down.
5.You would have never broken my laptop because you would have known I didn't have the extra fucking money to put into it since I was homeless and needed it to stay afloat in my business and you CERTAINLY would have offered to pay for it if in fact you had broken it on accident and not purposely like you actually did.
6.You wouldn't insist that you love me and were with me at home just to go out and tell others that you were in fact not dating me but I was just living at your house. Yes I know you told someone this like a month and a half ago you fucking piece of shit.
7.If you wanted me you would love and accept my dog and not constantly put him down and call him stupid and tell me to get rid of him.
8.You would have never put your hands on me in a dangerous or violent way.
9.You wouldn't feed bullshit lies and twisted stories to your parents, neighbors and friends about me and use them to work against me by making them think I am crazy or a bad person.
10.You would have supported me and all my positive changes I have made in myself in the last year especially and in my time of need when I have been low you wouldn't have stayed out until 6:30am with me worried sick that you were arrested or had been in a car accident just to fucking make out with and drink in your car with a girl that danced out in front of you because you would never need anyone else but me.
11.If you loved me and really wanted the best for me you wouldn't have walked into my house unannounced and or made any type of scene within our scene when I was getting back with my first love because you would have WANTED me to be happy. Especially since you never yourself fucking claimed that I was your girlfriend in public because you wanted to keep your own options open.
12.Last summer you wouldn't have allowed that girl you worked with to blatantly flirt with you in front of me and I wouldn't have had to say anything to her, but since I did have to you would have asked her to get up and leave and you would have never allowed her or anyone else to talk to me the way she did that night.
13.You would have no reason to go out and get drunk without me to special social happenings because you are afraid of me causing a scene because you yourself would not flirt with women at those events or entertain them while they flirt with you. You would have no reason to keep me at home so you can do those types of things freely because if you loved me you would never do anything like that.
14.If you loved me you would have never complained about me asking you not to go to the first burlesque event because I was so hurt over them kicking me out and when I decided to go to the second event and had plans with you to go you would have not bitched that I still wanted to go after you left me for a girl you didn't know and you totally wouldn't have wanted to take her to something like that, that meant so much to me and that you originally were going to go to with me.
Steve if you loved me you would want me to meet all of your friends and you would take me everywhere and show the world that you love me but you don't do that because you don't want the world to know that you were ever half assed interested in me.
I don't think you understand. I really really REALLY trusted you. Even with all of the stupid shit you have done to me in the past to me. I looked past all of it and I really loved you. I even wanted to separate for awhile because if the way you always talked down to me and made me feel bad about myself and the things I was interested in but I got past that as well and fell in love with you again and again. You took advantage of my soul and my innocent trusting nature. You wasted my time and you had no issues with throwing me away as soon as a girl that seemingly has more in common with you (i.e. blows steam up your ass and validates your points of view and doesn't disagree with you) and that happens to be attractive stepped into the picture.
You are really a horrible selfish person. You lie and you manipulate the people around you to get what you want and eventually people are going to figure out your bullshit and you will have no one.
You have really fucked up. You will eventually realize how amazing I am and how much I love you and loved you without judging your past mistakes the way you judge mine. You will kick yourself in your fucking teeth for not getting over the mistakes I made when I was having a nervous breakdown. You will wish you would have forgave me when you want me back like you and I know that you eventually will do. But I will never trust you again and I will have trust issues with anyone I ever meet after you. You have made a really shitty impact on my life when you could have made a great one.
We could have been so fucking happy but you won't allow yourself to be happy. You LOVE to make yourself suffer and to make the ones that are closest to you suffer as well because if you aren't happy you don't want anyone to be. I am finally happy that I no longer have the unconditional love for you that I will never have again because you have broken my heart to pieces. You have freed me. Thank you.
To name a few:
1.You would have never slept with Angelia after I spoke to her and you about this and told you both that this would bother me and you certainly wouldn't have come home and had the liberty to fuck me after you failed to get off with her.
2.I would have never had to deal with you randomly becoming interested in Lavender or this new girl because I would have been able to trust that you had some fucking self control and just wanted me and wouldn't have put your thoughts on hands on or in anyone else.
3.You wouldn't constantly bitch about what I DON'T do for you like cooking or cleaning when you KNOW I have a ton of work to do each day and a retarded amount of stress I have been under with the issues with my apartment being foreclosed, my dog being stolen and my medicines stolen.
4.You wouldn't sit around and point out my short comings in a way that you are trying to put me down.
5.You would have never broken my laptop because you would have known I didn't have the extra fucking money to put into it since I was homeless and needed it to stay afloat in my business and you CERTAINLY would have offered to pay for it if in fact you had broken it on accident and not purposely like you actually did.
6.You wouldn't insist that you love me and were with me at home just to go out and tell others that you were in fact not dating me but I was just living at your house. Yes I know you told someone this like a month and a half ago you fucking piece of shit.
7.If you wanted me you would love and accept my dog and not constantly put him down and call him stupid and tell me to get rid of him.
8.You would have never put your hands on me in a dangerous or violent way.
9.You wouldn't feed bullshit lies and twisted stories to your parents, neighbors and friends about me and use them to work against me by making them think I am crazy or a bad person.
10.You would have supported me and all my positive changes I have made in myself in the last year especially and in my time of need when I have been low you wouldn't have stayed out until 6:30am with me worried sick that you were arrested or had been in a car accident just to fucking make out with and drink in your car with a girl that danced out in front of you because you would never need anyone else but me.
11.If you loved me and really wanted the best for me you wouldn't have walked into my house unannounced and or made any type of scene within our scene when I was getting back with my first love because you would have WANTED me to be happy. Especially since you never yourself fucking claimed that I was your girlfriend in public because you wanted to keep your own options open.
12.Last summer you wouldn't have allowed that girl you worked with to blatantly flirt with you in front of me and I wouldn't have had to say anything to her, but since I did have to you would have asked her to get up and leave and you would have never allowed her or anyone else to talk to me the way she did that night.
13.You would have no reason to go out and get drunk without me to special social happenings because you are afraid of me causing a scene because you yourself would not flirt with women at those events or entertain them while they flirt with you. You would have no reason to keep me at home so you can do those types of things freely because if you loved me you would never do anything like that.
14.If you loved me you would have never complained about me asking you not to go to the first burlesque event because I was so hurt over them kicking me out and when I decided to go to the second event and had plans with you to go you would have not bitched that I still wanted to go after you left me for a girl you didn't know and you totally wouldn't have wanted to take her to something like that, that meant so much to me and that you originally were going to go to with me.
Steve if you loved me you would want me to meet all of your friends and you would take me everywhere and show the world that you love me but you don't do that because you don't want the world to know that you were ever half assed interested in me.
I don't think you understand. I really really REALLY trusted you. Even with all of the stupid shit you have done to me in the past to me. I looked past all of it and I really loved you. I even wanted to separate for awhile because if the way you always talked down to me and made me feel bad about myself and the things I was interested in but I got past that as well and fell in love with you again and again. You took advantage of my soul and my innocent trusting nature. You wasted my time and you had no issues with throwing me away as soon as a girl that seemingly has more in common with you (i.e. blows steam up your ass and validates your points of view and doesn't disagree with you) and that happens to be attractive stepped into the picture.
You are really a horrible selfish person. You lie and you manipulate the people around you to get what you want and eventually people are going to figure out your bullshit and you will have no one.
You have really fucked up. You will eventually realize how amazing I am and how much I love you and loved you without judging your past mistakes the way you judge mine. You will kick yourself in your fucking teeth for not getting over the mistakes I made when I was having a nervous breakdown. You will wish you would have forgave me when you want me back like you and I know that you eventually will do. But I will never trust you again and I will have trust issues with anyone I ever meet after you. You have made a really shitty impact on my life when you could have made a great one.
We could have been so fucking happy but you won't allow yourself to be happy. You LOVE to make yourself suffer and to make the ones that are closest to you suffer as well because if you aren't happy you don't want anyone to be. I am finally happy that I no longer have the unconditional love for you that I will never have again because you have broken my heart to pieces. You have freed me. Thank you.
posted by (aka "UndressJess") at
8:21 PM
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