I want to fucking die.
Ha. That sounds extremely extreme but right now it's true. I have no fucking clue what is wrong with me. I really want to fucking like disappear right now. I have no reason to feel this way of course but I do. Needless to say... I am not exactly in the mood to entertain on cam. Well at least in a show type setting and especially through camz which has some folks that are rude and like to bark orders and what not.
I am soooo mad that no one answers the fucking phone when I call. I have tried calling everyone in the hopes that ANYONE might visit. I seem to have NO FUCKING FRIENDS. Everyone just wants to get trashed and being trashed doesn't help my fucking depression any. I HATE EVERYONE. THERE IS NO ONE. THERE IS NO ONE. I AM GOING CRAZY.
I am soooo mad that no one answers the fucking phone when I call. I have tried calling everyone in the hopes that ANYONE might visit. I seem to have NO FUCKING FRIENDS. Everyone just wants to get trashed and being trashed doesn't help my fucking depression any. I HATE EVERYONE. THERE IS NO ONE. THERE IS NO ONE. I AM GOING CRAZY.
posted by (aka "UndressJess") at
7:18 PM
4 Comments:
Sounds like a panic attack.
These do pass, I get them occasionally as well. My solution is usually to control my breathing and do something really repetitive and mind numbing. For me that's video games. Maybe you can run through old dance routines you've done a million times before.
Not doing a show where someone can piss you off is the right thing to do. You're on edge and not in a mood to deal with that shit.
All I know is feeling guilty about feeling shitty only makes it worse. If you feel that bad there IS/ARE reasons . . . it honestly sounds to me like you're heading in the right direction with your cleanse and trying to detox in more ways than one. Shit just takes time, but you CAN feel good someday. Good luck! You're persistent so I know you'll figure it out. In the meantime, hang in there. Wish I could say/do more/something to make it better. Having gone through some at-the-time inexplicable anxiety/depression/crazies/fatigue and feeling 5 billion times better with birth control pills and an assortment of supplements I know it's possible to recover from some really extreme weirdness.
Also, finding the right friends at the right time is hard.
Anger, frustration and even despair can be a great sources of energy
to help you do whatever needs to be done,
to make changes, to do what you want
But then, you already know all these things,
you're an expert by experience
it just sucks going through these phases
remember it will pass
*virtual hug*
delain
Hey girl,
Javastud here, i just wanted to say you are well loved and I really hope you feel better.
I would be happy to chat with you if you need to talk.
just message me.
Love ya,
javastud
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